To all my readers, I am so sorry for letting you down. I did not keep my promise of posting every month. I truly believed that I would have the time, focus, and energy to have a consistent blog but my last post of a year ago proves me wrong. So, for my lack of posting, I decided to make this post all about us catching up. When I made this blog, I was sixteen, a sophomore in high school, and a person who thought she knew life. I am now eighteen, a freshmen in college, and I am even more confused about life than I was when I was sixteen. Well, where have I been? Kick back, relax, and (hopefully) enjoy.
This past year, I graduated high school on my birthday. Yes, my mom gained an adult and graduate all in the same day. You can only imagine how emotional she was. (Lucky for you, you didn't have to deal with it!) When high school came to an end, I was excited to attend Lee University in the fall but I was also frustrated with a growing conflict in my mind. I do not have an explanation, but I was angry at myself for not having a "normal" high school experience. Because of the growth of my disappointment, I decided to have a last "hoorah" before college. This "hoorah" consisted of an entire summer full of partying, drinking, and a complete 180 degree-turn away from God. I didn't think that it would get so out of hand and so consistent. One week turned into eight and I soon forgot who I was and what was my purpose. Isn't it crazy how when we give Satan an inch, he takes a mile?
I wish I would have spent this summer more involved in the Kingdom development and less in it's destruction. Sadly, there are no re-dos.
Two weeks before my first day at Lee, I returned home to my Father. But, I later found myself, in my bed at Lee, with a heart full of shame and regret. I didn't know how to forget the things I did or rather be forgiven. I believe that asking for forgiveness and actually accepting it are two different processes. As I fell to my knees, in the presence of our Lord, immense peace comforted me and I heard, "Haley, stop trying to forget and be forgiven." After spending time with our Father, I found myself flabbergasted at one simple thought.
I am not qualified to do or be anything for the Lord. But, because of the Lord, I am made qualified.
I always think of Moses with this story of mine. A man who spent forty years of being someone important, made a mistake and spent the next forty years of being a nobody. He lived in self-doubt, shame, and regret. Then, all of a sudden, the Lord appeared to him with a burning bush.
I would like to look at a certain part of this conversation he had with God. In Exodus, Chapter 4, it says,
Moses answered, "What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, 'The Lord did not appear to you'?"
Then the Lord said to him, "What is that in your hand?"
"A staff," he replied.
The Lord said, "Throw it on the ground."
Moses threw it on the ground and it became a snake, and he ran from it.
Then the Lord said to him, "Reach out your hand and take it by the tail." So Moses reached out and took hold of the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand.
"This," said the Lord, "is so that they believe that the Lord, the God of their fathers--the God of Abraham, the God of Issac and the God of Jacob--has appeared to you."
Moses did not believe that he was qualified to perform the job that the Lord gave him. This is seen in his constant "What if" questions. But the Lord responded with, "I am with you."
In conclusion, if the Lord is calling you somewhere, remember that you are qualified to go. The Lord is what makes you qualified. Your past mistakes don't determine your qualification. The Lord used a murderer to lead two hundred thousand of His people out from the dictatorship of Pharaoh. The Lord has called me, a girl from a broken home who fell into drugs, partying, and deceit to claim the freedom of Christ over my family and friends, to give Christ's love to the broken, to fight for the poor and the marginalized, and to harvest purity, justice, and righteousness in the world.
Trust me, my friends, He is with you. Are you with Him?
Much love,
Haley Dorsey
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